We've all seen it. One minute, two people love each other to no end; the next minute they refuse to see each other, so strong is their hate.
How does it happen? How does love become hate overnight?
Love has a safety device called respect. Respect is the safety valve that prevents consuming love from actually consuming its subject.
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When a person takes another's love for granted, that's love without respect. The unspoken attitude is, who do you think you are not love me? And who do you think I am that you might not love me; of course you will always love me!
The danger is, we are supposed to love unconditionally, and we may expect unconditional love in return. But Heaven have mercy on a situation where one party takes advantage of the other's unconditional love. That is taking them for granted. Of course they will always love, no matter how much I torture or worse, neglect them and their needs. After all, it is unconditional!
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Eventually, the love, lacking respect, inevitably turns into disdain, and then worse.
The absolute stunning beauty of love with respect is that one appreciates the greatness and uniqueness of the one who loves them. They can't possibly take the other's love for granted; since they respect who the other is so deeply, they still can't really believe their good fortune that someone so incredible loves them! This is the opposite of taking someone for granted. The love never gets old or weak, because the respect bolsters it, deepens it and refreshes continually.
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Husbands, wives, parents, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters.
The ones we love most need our esteem and respect more than anyone. Like sunblock, our respect for them protects them from the potentially harmful rays of our radiant love and allows it to nurture, not consume.
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And then there's G-d.
Elul has begun. Love is in the air. The month's motto is "Ani L'Dodi V'Dodi Li," (I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.) We reaffirm the unconditional love between G-d and us.
But the Alter Rebbe reminds us: "The King is in the field." Don't forget the respect. Don't forget who it is who is loving you unconditionally. Proceed with awe and the kind of reverent respect one has for majesty. Remember that the One Who loves you so is incredibly, indescribably great.
In all your relationships - human and Divine - maintain the respect, and you will enjoy the love for many, many years to come.
Good Shabbos, Shabbat Shalom!