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Health & Fitness

Mama Mia!

In a society that values and strives for decency, honesty, and humility the celebrities are the people who instilled and nurtured those virtues into us. Or in other words, our mothers.

Here's a thought.

You send your kid to kindergarten, or first grade. She comes home and announces, "One plus one equals two!" You grin from ear to ear, swell up with pride, swoop her up and dance around the house singing "One plus one equals two" to the tune of Old McDonald and collapse in giggles on the couch. (And then, "But I was trying to tell you that I need to go!")

But think about it: Didn't your daughter already know that if she has a doll, and then she gets another one, then she has "dis much" (both of them)? All she needed to learn was the mathematically correct terminology. But in truth she didn't learn any new facts. Just new words.

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Or this:

Your'e sitting with the family at dinner and your eight-year-old son, in conversation, uses the term "mutual respect." You drop your fork, swallow your food, swallow your tears of joy, and immediately use your mobile device to make an e-donation to his school's PTA.

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But think about it? Didn't he already know that? Didn't he already know that he needs to speak nicely to his siblings and they to him? Didn't he already know that his toys must be shared, naughty words must not be shared, whisper when someone is sleeping, don't eat like an animal, don't raise your voice when speaking to people, high-five the opposition after losing to them? School didn't tell him how to behave, they taught him how to describe his behavior.

Robert Fulghum wrote a famous book with the title "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." But I believe he is off by a few years. All you really need to know you learn between the ages of 0-3. And it's taught to you, hopefully, by your mother.

*****

Since the Parshah begins with the laws of childbirth, a tiny tribute to mothers.

You know the guy who says to his mother, "Aside from giving birth to me, what have you done for me lately?" I don't know him either. Hopefully, he doesn't exist. But if he does exist, even if only as a repressed whisper in the left ventricle of someone's heart, where the evil inclination resides, here's a response.

First off, she married your father. Did you ever thank her for that? Ever apologize for not coming to the wedding?

Then, she carried you for nine endless months. But though they were endless, they were not beginningless. She wishes they were, because the beginning was the worst. Three months of perpetual fatigue, despair, nausea and that's the tip of the iceberg.

Did you ever thank her for that?

Then she went into labor. You decided it was time to get started, so your began inflicting horrendous pain on her. She endured that unthinkable suffering for a few hours as you took your merry old time. I've heard tell that a woman in labor suffers more than a man with a common cold. That's a LOT of suffering. And that's even before the delivery!

Did you ever thank her for this?

Then, very gently and very slowly, with little sleep and enormous patience, she taught you how to sleep and how to eat. So first you learned how to eat. And you ate and ate all day and most of the night. But you refused to learn how to sleep! So like a man who can't fall asleep after the Cholent on Shabbos afternoon, you wailed and sobbed, begging her to help you out. Finally you learned how to sleep and you slept more than three hours at a time. And for the first time in months, she did too.

Thank you?

Then one day, while she was holding you and doing what she did most of time - smiling and talking at you - you made it all worth it. You made her day, her life. You made her call your Dad at work, call her mother, her sisters, her best friend. No, you didn't stand up, get dressed and announce that she's free to move about the country because you'll be taking care of yourself. You didn't surprise her by pulling acceptance papers to Harvard out of your diaper. You didn't even say one word. You smiled at her. She is never going to ever forget it. The radiance, the sunshine, the pure, unfiltered love that emanated from your smile was surpassed only by hers. There is no photo of that moment, only an unforgettable memory in her heart and in the deep recesses of your subconsious. Perhaps in that moment you learned how to express love?

Have you ever thanked her for that? Have you smiled at her lately? You may have grown into a busy and important adult but she has never tired of seeing that smile. Ever hear her say, "I just want you to be happy"? She's wanted that before you even knew who she was. Let her have it!

Then she slowly, carefully taught you how to live. How to respect, how to address people, how to be grateful, how to speak politely, how to feel responsible, how to dress neatly, how to feel awe before something greater than you, how to have faith, how to speak to G-d, how to feel close to Him. She taught you how to negotiate, how to compromise, how to make requests, how to express thanks when they're fulfilled, how to be content and not jealous, how to be happy for others, how to stay silent when you're words won't do anything good. She trained you in the art of forgiveness, of not bearing endless, poisoness grudges, of not thinking that revenge is a sacred duty. She taught you to befriend, to trust and gain trust, to keep promises and not to brag, to know when to be tough and when to be gentle.

Then you went to school to learn fancy terms for all those things and got a fancy certificate declaring you officially fancy. And is it possible that for a brief moment, you though you had outgrown your mother?

*****

A 'feminist' once demanded that my father confess that my mother is a shut-in housewife. He told her that actually, my mother runs a home for unwanted children. 14 of them to be precise.

When she gushed her apologies and admiration, my father added that the children are their children. But they asked around and no one else wants them...

And then he asked her the obvious question: "Why is it only glorious and admirable and special if you're raising other people's children?"

In a society that values and strives for success and glory, the rich and famous become celebrities.

In a society that values and strives for decency, honesty, humility, holiness and sincerity, the celebrities are the people who modeled, instilled and nurtured those virtues into us.

Or in other words, our mothers.

Long live Mommy!

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