Are We Over-Opinioning Our Children?

We were having a conversation. A mother, her nine-year-old daughter, and me. We’re discussing Judaism, faith – all that Jewish stuff.

The little girl informs me that while she believes in, and actually feels close to, G-d, she does not really believe that He created the world. And silence from mom.

Folks, sometimes you just cannot allow children to think for themselves. Adolescents, teenagers, maybe. But nine-years old? Not. It isn’t fair to the child! 

Would mothers let their children make vaccination or other medical decisions? How about consulting the children on serious legal matters? And you know if you ask for their opinion, the more precocious among them will always offer one up. A strong, confident and very wrong and uninformed opinion. And should the child begin arguing for his opinion to be the decider, only the parent who prematurely made him think his opinion carries weight is to blame.

Just as it is critical to give children their space and independence in the right time and place, the reverse is just as critical. It isn’t fair or healthy for the child to be expected to engage in adult deliberations or reach adult conclusions.

Some parents will argue that they have no recourse, since they themselves are not informed enough to educate their children about G-d and faith. They don’t have clarity themselves, so they cannot be a source of guidance for the children. 

The solution is the same in medicine, law and faith. You consult a professional. Use only as directed. Restrictions apply. Use only the direction of a qualified expert.

Faith is a human quality deeper than the emotions, deeper than the psyche, deeper than the subconscious. How can it be allowed to develop wildly, unguided and uneducated, driven by preference and instinct? Who would call that responsible parenting?

G-d was good enough to inform us on issues greater than ourselves, advising and warning us that things are not always the way they seem and we should take heed. He provides insights into the spiritual nature of things, which foods and other consumables are good for us and which are not; which behaviors are good for us and which to avoid at any cost.

Let us emulate Him and not let our children’s spirituality blow in the winds of the times. Educate yourself and work hard to attain a solid Jewish identity. It is never, ever too late for that. And then be the signpost your child needs in life. Teach them gently but firmly. THIS is right. THIS is wrong. THIS is true. THIS is false. 

And save the explanations for when they’re older and will require good answers to their good questions. Accept the fact that up to a certain age, the very best answer (and the biggest favor for your child) is, “Because that’s the way it is.” Kids desperately need absoluteness in their little lives. Not relative values. Absolute values. “This is how we do it, because this is how it is done. “

“Yes sweetie, G-d created the world. How do I know? My mother told me.” More than that she doesn’t need.